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Do you think you have it in you to write such a classic of misplaced sentiment and unbridled hyperbole? Great! Send it to the editor at funniestcollegeessays@yahoo.com
If your deathless prose is selected by our editor, world rights to your effort will be purchased, and actual trees will be slaughtered so that your essay may live in print forever.
Want an idea of what we’re looking for? Follow this link to a couple of sample essays. Need a topic for your essay? Why not take a whack at one of the classic application essay themes:
Why I am fulfilled by helping others
My wilderness challenge
My Third-World experience
My illness/affliction
My ‘aha!’ moment
My favorite book
My great teacher/coach/parent/ancestor
My academic/performance/sports failure and how I grew from it
Or write the essay you really wanted to write back in senior year, the one that made your advisor look at you in disbelief and sent your mom screaming from the room: your scatological fascinations, your conviction that Dr. Seuss was created in a government laboratory to implant mind control devices into our heads, your plea for universal understanding on the subject of macramé. We’re not like those snooty types in their ivy covered ivory towers, just waiting to pass judgment on you. We care. We want to hear what you have to say. No, seriously! We do! So make us laugh. We’re waiting.
But only until our submission deadline (currently TBD!)
Note: World rights to accepted essays will be purchased by the publisher. Essays must be the original work of the author with quoted material properly cited and rights secured
Sample Essay Continued
Throughout my school years, the awards and distinctions continued to accrue. I was singled out for my chart-making in fifth grade geography and awarded a special commendation for my Ode to Clio in the seventh grade “Muse Off” competition (losing the first prize, disgracefully, to a poem in which the word “pigtail” was spelled “pig tail”). Even so, and despite the clear evidence of my elevated abilities, I have repeatedly had to contend with the downward pull of my less motivated, focused, and frankly capable peers. It has been, to be perfectly honest, a great drain on my considerable energies to hold myself in check while the rest of the class offer various lame opinions on the failure of socialism or the causes of the Civil War. My private tutors have gone so far as to say that school has held me back, and even compromised my otherwise limitless potential. If it had not been for ninth grade geometry, for example, I might have already completed multi-variable calculus. Instead, poor teaching has done irreparable harm to what might otherwise have been one of the great mathematical minds of my generation. If it had not been for the closed-minded sycophancy of the drama director, the voice which my vocal coach has described as “simply thrilling” would have received an appropriate showcase, rather than being relegated to the chorus. And had my eleventh grade English teacher not suffered from a delusional sense of her own abilities, I would have been given my head to fully explore the cannon as a self-directed, independent study, rather than being forced to goose step alongside the granite-brained “students” in my class, every one of them headed down the road to general ignorance and illiteracy. Is it any wonder, given these handicaps, that my SAT scores of 520 Verbal and 560 Math obviously do not reflect my true abilities, not to speak of my extraordinary promise?
Luckily, I have always known that it was my destiny to attend a first rate college or university. Only there will I finally meet and have the opportunity to exchange ideas with similarly brilliant and capable young people. How I yearn to meet my true fellow travelers, young men and women who share my vast hunger for knowledge, and ability to generate it! Only when we have shed the burden of those dead weights known, bizarrely, as our high school “peers” and “classmates”, will we emerge into the white light of real, searching knowledge. I am counting the days until the day of my enrollment, and I know that you are just as excited to meet me.
© 2008